Sometimes It Hurts (1
by Saffron stepsister of Evil
Summary: Spike's back in Sunnydale, and he's deeply upset. Deeply.


Subj:**FIC: Sometimes It Hurts**  
Date:11/17/98 11:07:59 PM Pacific Standard Time  
From:[Saffronlai][1]  
To:[bsua@onelist.com][2]  
  
Title: Sometimes It Hurts 1/?  
Author: Saffron, angsty stepsister of evil  
Email: saffronlai@aol.com  
Distribution: ask and you shall receive.  
Disclaimer: Yaddah yaddah. They don't belong to me. They belong to Joss. I've learnt to deal with my emotional scars, so should you.  
Rating: I don't know. I'm going to be exploring decapitation techniques in this fic, so I'm guessing it's going to be leaning toward R. Oh, swearing in this part.  
Spoilers: erm, the promo for Lover's Walk, and any rumors. Thank you, the Buffy Cross and Stake (slayer.simplenet.com)!  
Summary: BSR (My *fourth* attempt at a Buffy/Spike piece. This is my 'vision' of Lover's Walk.) That's right, writing fic before I *even* see the episode. That's how inspirational tonight's promo was. Short hail Spike is God, please.  
Author's Note: Forgive me if this sucks. I've had a bad case of writer's block and depression lately, and with the recent *horrible and disgusting* developments in BtVS, I'm not exactly in my right frame of mind. Whatever that was.  
Death Watch: Why make you wait? Any fans of Willow and Xander, I'm sorry. They're both dying in this fic. Horribly.  
***************************************************************************************************************************************  
I still can't believe she left me. My princess. My Dru--she was my Black Goddess...it wasn't supposed to end this way! I've looked after her, protected her, loved her with every nuance my unbeating heart could muster and we've had some damn good times, thank you very much. Until we dropped in on Sunnyhell. If I had known what would happen, who would appear out of our pasts, I would have driven through that sign and kept on going. But no, I had to stay to kill off the Annoying One. Though admittedly, *that* was fun.   
Otherwise, all my memories of Sunnyhell are painful ones. Nothing seemed to go right after I met the Slayer. The one and only thorn in my side, she gave me no amount of trouble. I almost have to admire her pluckiness. I mean, she's not boring, I'll give her that.  
Too bad I'm going to have to kill her.  
  
I've killed two slayers, and made a deal with the third. That can't be right. All I know was that I did it out of a desperate need to protect Dru, to reclaim her as mine. After all, that bloody idiot Angelus was going to destroy the world, he didn't deserve her. So I tossed away my reservations and made a deal with the Slayer. And the repercussions are still ringing in my mind. The world didn't end, big fucking deal, because now none of that matters. Dru's gone. Without a word-or a kiss good-bye, she's left and I have to find her. I need to wash away my mistakes. To make my princess mine again.  
  
So I'm going back.  
  
To Sunnydale. To find the Slayer and to kill her. When my conscience's clean, I can search for Dru in earnest. She'll never need to know what I've done, what I will do for her.  
  
It's a pity that Angelus is gone though. I have an even bigger score to settle with him than I do with the Slayer.  
But I'll settle for her blood for now. Then I'll finish the job that Angel couldn't do--kill her friends and her loved ones. With their deaths, I will be whole again. A present for my Goddess....where ever she is.  
  
Drusilla darling, I will find you.  
  
The sound of an engine roared, as a black Thunderbird raced madly down the highway, a blazing trail of fire left in its wake. Four hours until dawn.  
*************************  
7:00 a.m. Summers Residence  
  
"Buffy! Time to wake up, honey!"  
  
Eeuuuugghh. Sometimes I wish I hadn't come back to Sunnydale. I wouldn't have to worry about school, for one thing. But then I remember the loneliness that was being Anne, and it makes waking up so much easier. It doesn't make me like it anymore, but hey, I'll survive.  
  
Buffy sighed, as she surveyed her clothes. She knew it was silly, but even though there was no one she wanted to impress at school, it still didn't mean she couldn't at least make an effort to look nice. Picking up a light pink tank top, the blonde slayer glanced out at the window and frowned thoughtfully. The sky was an attractive shade of grey, and the clouds looked positively menacing, bruised and hanging low in the horizon. Pink would look out of place, definitely.  
Scratch the pink.  
  
Tossing it over her shoulder, Buffy looked into her closet for a hopeful candidate. Racks of pastels and floral prints greeted her eyes.  
  
I've never noticed how *light* my wardrobe looks lately, but now that I think about it, I don't remember buying this...thing at all. Did mom go shopping at Laura Ashley for me again? I wore *that*? I can just hear Cordy now: "My God. Your dress sense is worse than the vampires you slay!" Great, now I'm caring what about Cordelia would think. I'm starting to understand why Giles wore tweed so much. He never worried about clashing.  
  
Shaking her head ruefully, Buffy spotted a dark velvet number peeking out at the back of the closet. It was a little dressy...but then again, it was either the midnight blue dress or the return of Buffy, the incredible floral lampshade.  
  
Wincing at the mental image that made, Buffy grabbed the dress.  
  
*******************************************************************************************************************************************  
"Wow, Buffy. Who died?"  
"Very funny, Cordy."  
The snappish brunette wrinkled her nose in mock disgust, but grinned good naturedly when the Slayer pouted at her.  
"Never mind, at least I don't have to worry about you embarrassing me in public. Well, except for your uh, nifty skills in dispatching the undead at the worst possible moments, that is. At least you can dress yourself...Xander, on the other hand...I've tried my hardest with that boy, really I have."   
"Talking about me behind my back again, Cordy? We all know that leads to..." The dark haired teen appeared suddenly from behind his girlfriend, fingers outstretched threateningly. His hands closed around Cordelia's waist. "Public displays of humiliating affection!" Xander crowed, and squeezed gently.   
"Xander Harris, get your hands off of me!! People can see us!!" Cordelia hissed, but Buffy could see the faint blush of pleasure taking over her face. The brunette beauty slapped his hands away in vain, as Xander only encircled her waist tighter, his face hovering dangerously close to hers...perfect for a quick kiss.  
  
"Well, since you two seem to be uh, busy, I'm just going to go talk to Willow."  
Xander's head snapped up at her comment, and for a brief moment, Buffy thought she saw guilt flash in his brown eyes. The emotion was quickly replaced by the Xander leer of appreciation.   
"Hey, Buffy, that's a pretty dress. Is it new?"  
Rolling her eyes, the blonde shook her head. "Yeah, good morning to you too, Xander. I'm gonna book. See you two later."  
As she turned away, Buffy could distinctly hear Xander's protest. "Was it something I said?" followed by a Cordelia snort. "Isn't it always?" Then, "Oaf!"  
"Brat!"  
"Selfish Jerk! You didn't even notice my outfit..."  
Smiling, Buffy walked away. Some things just didn't change.  
  
**********************************************************************************************  
11:30 p.m. Sunnydale Cemetery (1 out of 12)  
  
Buffy stalked through the cemetery, silently humming a tune to herself. She didn't think it was possible, but for once, she felt good...even proud. When she had gotten home that afternoon, her mother had been waiting for her with a Chesire-cat grin on her usually harried face. For a minute, Buffy wondered if her mother had been drinking again, but mentally berated herself quickly. When Joyce showed her the envelope, she had taken it warily, but as she carefully studied the paper inside, Buffy's mouth began to quirk until she was smiling radiantly.  
  
Wow. Who knew that passing the SAT's would make me so...so high. I mean, I figured I'd get at least 100 points for remembering my name...but seeing that 1500...wow. Buffy Summers, you *can* go to college.   
  
She remembered smiling like an idiot for a few minutes longer, than shrieking in pure joy. Fingers dialing so many numbers...Willow's squeal of solidarity, and Xander's warm easy chuckle of amazement with a slight touch of envy. And of course, the capper...Giles. He was even more thrilled than she was. Everybody agreed a celebration was in order.  
  
So now she was strolling around in Sunnydale Cemetery, completely buoyed with pride. All the vampires she'd staked tonight were treated to her dazzling smile before they became dust. Yup, life was good. Or getting better, anyway.  
Glancing at her watch, the Slayer decided to sweep her rounds one last time before going home. A tiny thought of maybe visiting Angel crossed her mind, but she shook it resolutely away. She'd come by twice already with blood supplies, he wouldn't be needing to worry about food for another week. And besides...Angel probably wouldn't care about her test scores.  
  
Yeah. Besides we both agreed that we can't be around each other for long periods of time. That leads to kissing. And kissing...well, best not go there. I've just apologized to my friends for the umpteenth time, and I'm really not looking forward to any more confrontations. There, Buffy, your decision is made. Yep. You're going to see Angel.  
  
Looking into the dark purple sky, Buffy failed to notice the shadow lurking. As the tiny form of the Slayer turned and walked away, the figure emerged fully from the shadows, the silver moonlight glinting off his platinum locks.  
A curl of smoke arose from his mouth. Spike inhaled, then removed the cigarette from his mouth, tossing it vehemently into the crushed leaves.  
"I wonder where she's going?"  
Spike smiled.  
************************************************************************************************  
Drusilla isn't the only one who has visions. I have my connections as well...though my visions aren't as...innate as my Ducks' were, doesn't mean they aren't any less accurate. For instance, you'd be surprised how much you can bleed a human being without killing him. Willy would vouch for me, except my fingers sort of slipped, and well...consider it payback.  
  
But I learned something new. The slayer had been visiting the little rat, and she had been asking for blood. Of all things. Which means only one thing. Angel is still alive.  
  
I mean, come on. If the Slayer had been turned, I doubt she would stroll in casually and ask for a sodding hand out. Which only leaves a certain soul-bearing bleeding heart vampire's feeding habits. I don't know how Angelus escaped, or who he is now--but I don't care. He's going to pay.  
Just like her.  
Like all of them.  
  
END FOR NOW  
Well..cos I have an English Paper to write. Gotta love those 8.a.m college courses.  
FEEDBACK PLEASE?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


   [1]: mailto:Saffronlai
   [2]: mailto:bsua@onelist.com



End file.
